Wednesday, February 22, 2012

The Iffy Button

Few things spark as much fear and anticipation as change. Change for better. Change for the worse. But most of all – change evokes the unknown. And the unknown is the most fearful of all fears in the galaxy. More fearful than falling into a black hole, which rarely happens since adequate warning signs are posted around all event horizons ever since the unfortunate tourist accident where a ship full of Rigilian dentists got to close too the super massive black hole at the center of Andromeda. Prompting ship owners to complain, tourist boards to insist and dentist associations to call for more visible notices around such locations. Some actually credit this posting of signs as the beginning of the now saturated signage along all major transport paths. Nonetheless, a healthy fear of the black hole remains, but it is a known quantity and therefore not unknown and thusly, not feared.

The apprehension of change is perhaps worse than change itself. This affliction is often cited as the root of most suicides which cause is often diving ones spacecraft into a swirling black hole. Behavioralists are working on this paradox.

The creation date of the Iffy Button is not completely know but the inception of the idea for it came when the inventor, Harold Di Aster, while in a depressive state, conceived his interspatial frequency fluctuation theory. By harnessing certain quantum particles and compressing various anti-matter elements into a dense casing, he attached a large button and thus – the IFFY Button.

However, due to, unverifiable apprehensions, he never tested the device out of concern the resulting change would be he never invented the device and would remain in a depressive state even longer.

Once presented to the intergalactic inventor’s conference, interest in the device was immediate. Vying for the possession of the button was so intense the Galactic Counsel of Scientific Scientists and Speculators or SSAS, which is sass spelled backwards or as the more humorous critics point out – sass backwards. SSAS declared The Button “…the gravest threat to the galactic order since fried cheese, “

After the confiscation of The Button, as it was called then, Di Aster, in a depressive funk, took his Vectorbuster 2000 space craft and headed towards the black hole near Vega and has not been heard from since.

The popular belief is that while in the possession of SSAS, The Button was pushed. The only problem with that and the resulting speculative conundrum that fills brew houses across the current space-time continuum is whether or not what is happening is what was supposed to be happening or just an alternative happening that would not have happened had The Button not been pushed. Arguments for the Push Theory, put forth by Pushies, point to the fact that The Button is in this time-line and therefore could not have been pushed.

Opponents of Push Theory or Fakers, as they are called because of the belief that the whole thing is a fake and just another attempt to control the masses by fear and intimidation, which they readily admit works just fine without The Button’s existence in this timeline or any other. Other factions such as the Anarchists Union oppose in alteration that might affect who is not in charge. Still groups like fashion designers crave a move away from the garish styles of today.

Either for or against, all parties agree The Button could and does have a powerful influence on life as known and any disrupting would have inexorable effects, like it or not. After some deliberation within the offices of SSAS, The Button was named the IFFY Button after the principles it was created from. In the excitement surrounding its introduction no one thought to get the name of the inventor, whose objects usually bear his or her name. Since he has not been heard from after flying off in his Vectorbuster 2000, no one really cared and who wants and the idea of a Di Aster Button made the public relations bureau of SSAS a little uncertain which only meant the fate of the IFFY Button would be decided by the governing body of the galaxy, the Bureau of Odd Calculations and Redundancies.

As it was then which is as it is now, the BOCR has been embroiled in a debate over how decisions should be decided and how to procedurally proceed in matters that require procedures. It is often cited that passing a single bill in the chamber of deciderers is like a refrigerator in a magnet factory. Everything sticks to it and most are irrelevant. Here then is the general status of the galaxy for over a million years. Hence the mind grippingly fearful idea change and the maniacal avoidance of alteration, which in a constantly evolving Universe is going about us anyway, anxiety reins supreme. However, the request to decide the use and control of the IFFY Button was brought before the reception consul at BOCR central. With the proper forms securely submitted in original duplicates and countersigned in duplicate originals, the greatest source of possibilities was shoved in the queue.